Insomnia 02:45am

Can’t sleep. I’ve been having trouble sleeping for the past one week. It’s way past my usual bed time but I’m still wide awake. I can feel the frustration, guilt, anger and depression building up in me. All bottled up. Can’t cry, can’t speak…. My life is in a mess. Everything is out of control.

I should study! I should watch my weight! I should……..
All the things I should’ve done. If only I could turn back time. I hate it when my room’s messy. I hate it when I can’t cross out anything from my to-do list. I hate it when my dad calls and I’m not home. I hate the tone of his voice. I hate….. myself. So many things, so little time. Help.

What is life? I used to think that life would be perfect if I can just loose that 5 kilos, find the right guy, own a Christian Dior Bag….. Whatever it is, my soul will never find peace, my conscious will continue to gnaw at it because I never knew what I wanted in life. “What are your goals in life?”, you asked. Actually, I don’t know. To fill that space, I came up with a really absurd goal. To own a whole closet of branded stuff? It’s crazy. That’s not life. What is?

#Dear Vas and Jo. I’m sorry I’ve been rude to you guys. I love you two. Please forgive me. My life is so messed up right now. I need more time alone to sort it out. Life seems meaningless now. I need help.#